Deck 10: The Practice of Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Question 1

When Lisa says to her husband, "You'd make a lousy father," she is communicating which type of hurtful message?

A) accusation
B) advice
C) evaluation
D) threat
E) desire

Answer 1

C

Question 2

One effective way to offer forgiveness to another is to ask the person to meet a condition that is important to you.

Answer 2

False

Question 3

Sarah has recently been robbed and is leery of leaving her apartment if unnecessary. According Layton's forgiveness process, Sarah is in the midst of which of the following steps?

A) Injured innocence
B) Obsession
C) Fear
D) Transformation
E) Transcendence

Answer 3

A

Question 4

Which of the following is characteristic of forgiveness?

A) Dismissing or minimizing a situation.
B) Excusing the actions or behavior of the other.
C) It is indifferent about justice.
D) Acknowledging the truth about what has happened.
E) Forgiveness is the same thing as pardon.

Question 5

Your book says that memories are essential to the forgiveness process, since they may help you become less susceptible to repeated injury.

Question 6

The text suggest that children who've been abused should try to forget about the events and memories so they can move on more easily.

Question 7

Individuals are more likely to renegotiate a relationship through forgiveness when they know which of the following?

A) There is essential agreement regarding the nature of the violation to the relationship.
B) The other has acknowledged the hurt experienced.
C) An apology for the hurt will be included.
D) The other is willing to apologize for the offensive behavior.
E) All of the above

Question 8

Jim and Susan are getting a divorce, and have been going to court to obtain a custody settlement. Jim suddenly realizes that his fight for the children has more to do with hurting Susan than with the children's well-being (they both are good parents to the children). Jim is portraying which stage in the forgiveness process?

A) The strand of empathy
B) The strand of forbearance
C) The strand of commitment
D) The strand of truth
E) The strand of interaction

Question 9

According to the list of stages in the forgiveness process, what is the chronology of the following statements, (1) "Why hasn't something like what happened to me happened to her," (2) "How would life be different if I forgave him," (3) "I can't believe this happened to me," and (4) "I made it through this experience and no longer harbor resentment?"

A) 1, 2, 3, 4
B) 4, 3, 1, 2
C) 3, 2, 1, 4
D) 3, 1, 2, 4
E) None of the above

Question 10

In the phase of "transcendence," a person is able to stop obsessing over images and messages from the past.

Question 11

An effective apology includes making amends for the wrongdoing.

Question 12

Repairing a relationship so re-engagement, cooperation and trust become possible is what your book calls "reconciliation."

Question 13

"If you think you are going to walk out on me, I'll make sure your parents know everything you did when we were living with them" is an example of what type of hurtful message?

A) desire
B) threat
C) advice
D) evaluation
E) accusation

Question 14

A person who gets caught up in what has happened to her/him and uses the story to get sympathy from others may be caught up in the "eddy" of:

A) resentment.
B) victimization.
C) revenge.
D) depression.
E) withdrawal.

Question 15

Which of the following are NOT necessary for an effective apology?

A) Acknowledgement of responsibility.
B) Awareness of harm resulting from one's actions.
C) Promises not to engage in the offensive behavior again.
D) Expression of regret or remorse.
E) An expression of wrong-doing.

Question 16

The question, "Am I willing to consider forgiveness as an option?" is most closely related to which of the following stages of forgiveness?

A) Uncovering
B) Work
C) Decision
D) Outcome
E) All of the above

Question 17

According to the text, sometimes forgiveness is best approached as a decision, in order to give the person(s) something to "do.

Question 18

A common misconception about forgiveness is that it excuses the behavior or situation.

Question 19

Part of the process of forgiving someone is to face the anger you feel.

Question 20

Unlike giving forgiveness, receiving forgiveness is a simple task.

Question 21

Differentiate between implicit and explicit forms of forgiveness. What role can "gestures" play?

Question 22

Which of the dimensions of interpersonal conflict is most relevant to the discussion of offering and accepting forgiveness?

A) Expressed struggle
B) Interdependence
C) Incompatible goals
D) Scarce resources
E) Interference from the other in achieving goals

Question 23

Explain how the TRIP elements of power may help or hinder the process of reconciliation.

Question 24

Compare and contrast the features of effective apologies with the three types of problematic or ineffective apologies.

Question 25

Your book states that forgiving yourself can be harder than obtaining forgiveness from the person you hurt. Do you agree or disagree? Explain.

Question 26

Brett has once again clobbered his brother Tyler over the head with a toy. Immediately their mother pulls Brett aside and tells him to go over to his brother and apologize. Brett glances in Tyler's direction and says (with a bit of sarcasm) "Sorry." Brett's apology is an example of which of the following forms of apology?

A) Expedient apology
B) Compelled apology
C) Delayed apology
D) Sincere apology
E) Public apology

Question 27

Identify and describe an incident in which you could benefit from the choice to forgive another person and/or reconcile with her/him. What would keep you from making that choice?

Question 28

According to the author of this chapter, men and women tend to hold different views of forgiveness. What are the significant gender biases with respect to forgiveness? Describe a specific event and the ways in which gendered views of forgiveness may have influenced the people and/or situation.

Question 29

Identify the four "eddies" a person can get stuck in when s/he feels "wronged." What advice can you give to a person stuck in any of these four?