Exploring Writing 2nd Edition by John Langan

Exercise 32

Both of the paragraphs that follow resulted from an assignment to "Write a paper that details your reasons for being in college." Both writers make the point that they have various reasons for attending college. Which paragraph then goes on to provide plenty of specific evidence to back up its point Which paragraph is vague and repetitive and lacks the concrete details needed to show us exactly why the author decided to attend college
HINT
Imagine that you've been asked to make a short film based on each paragraph. Which one suggests specific pictures, locations, words, and scenes you could shoot
Paragraph A
Reasons for Going to College
I decided to attend college for various reasons. One reason is self-respect. For a long time now, I have had little self-respect. I spent a lot of time doing nothing, just hanging around or getting into trouble, and eventually I began to feel bad about it. Going to college is a way to start feeling better about myself. By accomplishing things, I will improve my self-image. Another reason for going to college is that things happened in my life that made me think about a change. When I lost my job, I realized I would have to do something in life, so I thought about school. I was in a rut and needed to get out of it but did not know how. But when something happens that is out of your control, then you have to make some kind of decision. The most important reason for college, though, is to fulfill my dream. I know I need an education, and I want to take the courses I need to reach the position that I think I can handle. Only by challenging yourself can you get what you want. Going to college will help me fulfill this goal. These are the main reasons why I am attending college.
Paragraph B
Why I'm in School
There are several reasons I'm in school. First of all, my father's attitude made me want to succeed in school. One night last year, after I had come in at 3 A.M., my father said, "Jake, you're a loser. When I look at my son, all I see is a good-for-nothing loser." I was angry, but I knew my father was right in a way. I had spent the last two years working at odd jobs at a convenience store and gas station, while experimenting with all kinds of drugs with my friends. That night, though, I decided I would prove my father wrong. I would go to college and be a success. Another reason I'm in college is my girlfriend's encouragement. Marie has already been in school for a year, and she is doing well in her computer courses. Marie helped me fill out my application and register for courses. She even lent me two hundred dollars for textbooks. On her day off, she lets me use her car so I don't have to take the bus. The main reason I am in college is to fulfill a personal goal: for the first time in my life, I want to finish something. For example, I quit high school in the eleventh grade. Then I enrolled in a government job-training program, but I dropped out after six months. I tried to get a G.E.D., but I started missing classes and eventually gave up. Now I am in a special program where I will earn my G.E.D. by completing a series of five courses. I am determined to accomplish this goal and to then go on and work for a degree in hotel management.
Complete the following statement: Paragraph provides clear, vividly detailed reasons why the writer decided to attend college.