Exploring Writing 2nd Edition by John Langan

Exercise 19

In this activity, you will evaluate paragraphs in terms of all four bases: unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills. Evaluative comments follow each paragraph below. Circle the letter of the statement that best applies in each case.
1.
Drunk Drivers
People caught driving while drunk-even first offenders-should be jailed. Drunk driving, first of all, is more dangerous than carrying around a loaded gun. In addition, a jail term would show drivers that society will no longer tolerate such careless and dangerous behavior.
Finally, severe penalties might encourage solutions to the problem of drinking and driving. People who go out for a good time and intend to have several drinks would always designate one person, who would stay completely sober, as the driver.
a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well written in terms of the four bases.
2.
A Frustrating Moment
A frustrating moment happened to me several days ago. When I was shopping. I had picked up a tube of crest toothpaste and a jar of noxema skin cream. After the cashier rang up the purchases, which came to $4.15. I handed her $10. Then got back my change, which was only $0.85. I told the cashier that she had made a mistake. Giving me change for $5 instead of $10. But she insist that I had only gave her $5, I became very upset and demand that she return the rest of my change. She refused to do so instead she asked me to step aside so she could wait on the next customer. I stood very rigid, trying not to lose my temper. I simply said to her, I'm not going to leave here, Miss, without my change for $10. Giving in at this point a bell was rung and the manager was summoned. After the situation was explain to him, he ask the cashier to ring off her register to check for the change. After doing so, the cashier was $5 over her sale receipts. Only then did the manager return my change and apologize for the cashier mistake.
a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well written in terms of the four bases.
3.
Preparing for a Disaster
Every household should prepare for a natural disaster. They should find out where the evacuation centers are in their neighborhood and know how to get to those places. They should decide how they will communicate with each other in the event of a disaster. Some families set up a "phone tree" in which each person calls a specific family member. First, members of a household should put together an emergency survival kit. This kit should include non-perishable food, bottled water, clothing, first aid supplies, medications, candles, matches, a radio, a flashlight, and extra batteries. When a disaster strikes, there is little time to prepare, so people should get ready now.
a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well written in terms of the four bases.
4.
A Change in My Writing
A technique of my present English instructor has corrected a writing problem that I've always had. In past English courses, I had major problems with commas in the wrong places, bad spelling, capitalizing the wrong words, sentence fragments, and run-on sentences. I never had any big problems with unity, support, or coherence, but the sentence skills were another matter. They were like little bugs that always appeared to infest my writing. My present instructor asked me to rewrite papers, just concentrating on sentence skills. I thought that the instructor was crazy because I didn't feel that rewriting would do any good. I soon became certain that my instructor was out of his mind, for he made me rewrite my first paper four times. It was very frustrating, for I became tired of doing the same paper over and over. I wanted to belt my instructor against the wall when I'd show him each new draft and he'd find skills mistakes and say, "Rewrite." Finally, my papers began to improve and the sentence skills began to fall into place. I was able to see them and correct them before turning in a paper, whereas I couldn't before. Why or how this happened I don't know, but I think that rewriting helped a lot. It took me most of the semester, but I stuck it out and the work paid off.
a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well written in terms of the four bases.
5.
Luck and Me
I am a very lucky man, though the rest of my family has not always been lucky. Sometimes when I get depressed, which is too frequently, it's hard to see just how lucky I am. I'm lucky that I'm living in a country that is free. I'm allowed to worship the way I want to, and that is very important to me. Without a belief in God a person cannot live with any real certainty in life. My relationship with my wife is a source of good fortune for me. She gives me security, and that's something I need a lot. Even with these positive realities in my life, I still seem to find time for insecurity, worry, and, worst of all, depression. At times in my life I have had bouts of terrible luck. But overall, I'm a very lucky guy. I plan to further develop the positive aspects of my life and try to eliminate the negative ones.
a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well written in terms of the four bases.
A Writer's Template: Across Disciplines
In college, you may want to ask your classmates to give you feedback on your writing, and you may want to help them with their writing. As you are reading the following paragraph written by Jakeem for a geology class, think about what advice you would offer him as he prepares to write his final draft. Does his paragraph cover all four bases of effective writing To be sure, use the checklist that follows.
Types of Natural Resources
1 Natural resources can be classified as either renewable or nonrenewable. 2 On the one hand, coal, oil, and gas are nonrenewable. 3 They take millions of years to form. 4 Some scientists predicts that we will run out of oil and gas in fifty to a hundred years. 5 Coal is more plentiful. 6 As a result, they may last for hundreds of years. 7 On the other hand, resources such as wood and water are renewable because they can be grown or recycled naturally.
Unity
Is there a clear topic sentence in this paragraph _________
Does all the material work to support the topic sentence _________
Support
Does Jakeem provide specific evidence to support his topic sentence _________
Are there enough supporting details If not, where would you recommend adding more supporting details _____________________________________
Coherence
Does Jakeem use transitions and other connective devices _________ List them here:
_______________________________________________________________
Sentence Skills
Is there a fragment in the paragraph ______
Is there a problem with subject and verb agreement in the paragraph
Can you find any other sentence skills mistakes, as listed on the back inside cover of the book If you can find a mistake, what type of mistake is it
_______________________________________________________________
Collaborative Activity
Work together as a group or class to make an outline of Jakeem's paragraph. Looking at the outline, can you think of any additional supporting details that could be added to make this paragraph more effective