Essentials of Business Communication 8th Edition by Mary Ellen Guffey

Exercise 8

Information Request: Workplace Security
The following letter requests information; however, the first draft suffers from many writing faults.
Your Task. Analyze the message. List its weaknesses and then outline an appropriate writing plan. If your instructor directs, revise the message. A copy of this message ¡s provided at www.meguffey.com for revision online.
Current date
Mr. Kyle Gregory, Sales Manager
Micro Supplies and Software
830 North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, IN 46205
Dear Sir:
Our insurance rates will be increased in the near future due to the fact that we don't have security devices on our computer equipment. Local suppliers were considered, but at this point in time none had exactly what we wanted. That's why I am writing to see whether or not you can provide information and recommendations regarding equipment to prevent the possible theft of office computers and printers. In view of the fact that our insurance carrier has set a deadline of April 1, we need fast action.
Our office now has 18 computer workstations along with twelve printers. We need a device that can be used to secure separate computer components to desks or counters, Would you please recommend a device that can secure a workstation consisting of a computer, monitor, and keyboard. We wonder if professionals are needed to install your security devices and to remove them. We are a small company, and we don't have a staff of maintenance people.
One problem is whether the devices can be easily removed when we need to move equipment around. We are, of course, very interested in th9 price of each device, What about quantity discounts, if you offer them.
Until such time as we hear from you, thank you in advance for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
1. List at least five weaknesses of this letter.
2. Outline a writing plan for a direct request.
Opening:
Body:
Closing: