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Essentials of Business Communication 8th Edition by Mary Ellen Guffey
Edition 8ISBN: 978-0324588002Essentials of Business Communication 8th Edition by Mary Ellen Guffey
Edition 8ISBN: 978-0324588002 Exercise 12
Request Refusal: Shooting Down Request for Salary Stars
The following poorly written letter refuses a request from a reporter seeking salary information about top sales performers for an article,
Your Task. Analyze the message. List its weaknesses and then outline an appropriate writing plan. It your instructor directs, revise the message. A copy of this message is provided at www.meguffey.com for revision online.
Current date
Ms. Emily Decker
2415 Jefferson Road
Rochester, NY 14623
Dear Ms. Decker:
We cannot release salary information because such disclosure would violate our employees' privacy and lead to lawsuits. However, the article you are researching for Business Management Weekly sounds fascinating and will be most interesting to its readers. As a matter of fact, we are flattered that you wish to include LaserScope. You may be interested to know that we have many outstanding young salespeople-some are male and some are female-who command top salaries.
I cannot reveal private employee information because each of our salespeople operate under an individual salary contract. This is a result of salary negotiations several years ago. During those negotiations an agreement was reached that both sales stall members and management were in agreement to keep the terms of these individual contracts confidential. For obvious reasons, we cannot release specific salaries and commission rates. It has been suggested, however, that we can provide you with a list that is a ranking of our top salespeople for a period of the past five years. As a matter of fact, three of the top salespeople are currently under the age of thirty-five.
We are sorry that we cannot help you more with your fascinating research. Enclosed is a fact sheet in regard to our top salespeople, and we wish you every success with your article. It would be terrific to see LaserScope represented in it. Do not hesitate to call me if you have any questions.
Cordially,
1. List at least five weaknesses in this letter.
2. Outline a writing plan for a request refusal:
Buffer:
Reasons:
Bad news:
Closing:
The following poorly written letter refuses a request from a reporter seeking salary information about top sales performers for an article,
Your Task. Analyze the message. List its weaknesses and then outline an appropriate writing plan. It your instructor directs, revise the message. A copy of this message is provided at www.meguffey.com for revision online.
Current date
Ms. Emily Decker
2415 Jefferson Road
Rochester, NY 14623
Dear Ms. Decker:
We cannot release salary information because such disclosure would violate our employees' privacy and lead to lawsuits. However, the article you are researching for Business Management Weekly sounds fascinating and will be most interesting to its readers. As a matter of fact, we are flattered that you wish to include LaserScope. You may be interested to know that we have many outstanding young salespeople-some are male and some are female-who command top salaries.
I cannot reveal private employee information because each of our salespeople operate under an individual salary contract. This is a result of salary negotiations several years ago. During those negotiations an agreement was reached that both sales stall members and management were in agreement to keep the terms of these individual contracts confidential. For obvious reasons, we cannot release specific salaries and commission rates. It has been suggested, however, that we can provide you with a list that is a ranking of our top salespeople for a period of the past five years. As a matter of fact, three of the top salespeople are currently under the age of thirty-five.
We are sorry that we cannot help you more with your fascinating research. Enclosed is a fact sheet in regard to our top salespeople, and we wish you every success with your article. It would be terrific to see LaserScope represented in it. Do not hesitate to call me if you have any questions.
Cordially,
1. List at least five weaknesses in this letter.
2. Outline a writing plan for a request refusal:
Buffer:
Reasons:
Bad news:
Closing:
Explanation
Verified
Verified
Weaknesses:
1) Active voice is used rat...
Essentials of Business Communication 8th Edition by Mary Ellen Guffey
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