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Exploring Writing 2nd Edition by John Langan
Edition 2ISBN: 978-0077662158Exploring Writing 2nd Edition by John Langan
Edition 2ISBN: 978-0077662158 Exercise 1
The author of "Dangerous Places" in Review Activity 8 made a number of editing changes between the second draft and the final draft. Compare the two drafts and, in the spaces provided below, identify five of the changes.
1. ____________________________________________________________________
2. ____________________________________________________________________
3. ____________________________________________________________________
4. ____________________________________________________________________
5. ____________________________________________________________________
1. ____________________________________________________________________
2. ____________________________________________________________________
3. ____________________________________________________________________
4. ____________________________________________________________________
5. ____________________________________________________________________
Explanation
Verified
Verified
Revising (48)
Note: Each of the following changes in details could count as one of the five answers that students may provide.
1. A title ("Dangerous Places") has been added.
2. A sentence-skills mistake (the fragment "Also that my car won't start") has been
corrected.
3. A number of specific details have been added:
a. "The dirt on the floors" has become "the grime and dirt in the room and crumpled tissues and paper towels on the floor."
b. "The graffiti scrawled on the walls" has become "ugly graffiti often scrawled on the walls."
c. "When I leave my night class a little late or I leave the mall at 10 P.M., the
walk to the car is scary" has become "When I leave my night class a little late, or I am one of the few leaving the mall at 10 P.M., I dread the walk to my car."
d. "Also that my car won't start" has become "And I fear that my car will not start, leaving me stuck in the dark parking lot."
e. "The windows are barred and there are steep steps" has become "The windows are barred, and the only exit is a steep flight of cement steps."
f. "The pipes in the room make frightening noises such as hisses and clanks"has become "The pipes in the room make sudden gurgles, clanks, and hisses, adding to my uneasiness."
Note: Each of the following changes in details could count as one of the five answers that students may provide.
1. A title ("Dangerous Places") has been added.
2. A sentence-skills mistake (the fragment "Also that my car won't start") has been
corrected.
3. A number of specific details have been added:
a. "The dirt on the floors" has become "the grime and dirt in the room and crumpled tissues and paper towels on the floor."
b. "The graffiti scrawled on the walls" has become "ugly graffiti often scrawled on the walls."
c. "When I leave my night class a little late or I leave the mall at 10 P.M., the
walk to the car is scary" has become "When I leave my night class a little late, or I am one of the few leaving the mall at 10 P.M., I dread the walk to my car."
d. "Also that my car won't start" has become "And I fear that my car will not start, leaving me stuck in the dark parking lot."
e. "The windows are barred and there are steep steps" has become "The windows are barred, and the only exit is a steep flight of cement steps."
f. "The pipes in the room make frightening noises such as hisses and clanks"has become "The pipes in the room make sudden gurgles, clanks, and hisses, adding to my uneasiness."
Exploring Writing 2nd Edition by John Langan
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