Exam 4: Building Relationships by Communicating Supportively

The positive effects of short-term, momentary interactions are similar to those of longer-term relationships.

Rejected Plans Case The following dialogue occurred between two employees in a large firm. The conversation illustrates several characteristics of supportive communication. SUSETTE: How did your meeting go with Mr. Schmidt yesterday? LEONARDO: Well, uh, it went ... aaah ... it was no big deal. SUSETTE: It looks as if you're pretty upset about it. LEONARDO: Yeah, I am. It was a totally frustrating experience. I, uh, well, let's just say I would like to forget the whole thing. SUSETTE: Things must not have gone as well as you had hoped they would. LEONARDO: I'll say! That guy was impossible. I thought the plans I submitted were very clear and well thought out. Then he rejected the entire package. SUSETTE: You mean he didn't accept any of them? LEONARDO: You got it. SUSETTE: I've seen your work before, Leonardo. You've always done a first-rate job. It's hard for me to figure out why your plans were rejected by Schmidt. What did he say about them? LEONARDO: He said they were unrealistic and too difficult to implement, and ... SUSETTE: Really? LEONARDO: Yeah, and when he said that I felt he was attacking me personally. But, on the other hand, I was also angry because I thought my plans were very good, and, you know, I paid close attention to every detail in those plans. SUSETTE: I'm certain that you did. LEONARDO: It just really ticks me off. SUSETTE: I'll bet it does. I would be upset, too. LEONARDO: Schmidt has something against me. SUSETTE: After all the effort you put into those plans, you still couldn't figure out whether Schmidt was rejecting you or your plans, right? LEONARDO: Yeah. Right. How could you tell? SUSETTE: I can really understand your confusion and uncertainty when you felt Schmidt's actions were unreasonable. LEONARDO: I just don't understand why he did what he did. SUSETTE: Sure. If he said your plans were unrealistic, what does that mean? I mean, how can you deal with a rationale like that? It's just too general-meaningless, even. Did he mention anything specific? Did you ask him to point out some problems or explain the reasons for his rejection more clearly? LEONARDO: Good point, but, uh, you know ... I was so disappointed at the rejection that I was kinda like in outer space. You know what I mean? SUSETTE: Yeah. It's an incapacitating experience. You have so much invested personally that you try to divest as fast as you can to save what little self-respect is left. LEONARDO: That's it all right. I just wanted to get out of there before I said something I would be sorry for. SUSETTE: Yet, in the back of your mind, you probably figured that Schmidt wouldn't risk the company's future just because he didn't like you personally. But then, well ... the plans were good! It's hard to deal with that contradiction on the spot, isn't it? LEONARDO: Exactly. I knew I should have pushed him for more information, but, uh, I just stood there like a dummy. But what can you do about it now? It's spilled milk. SUSETTE: I don't think it's a total loss, Leonardo. I mean, from what you have told me-what he said and what you said-I don't think that a conclusion can be reached. Maybe he doesn't understand the plans, or maybe it was just his off day. Who knows? It could be a lot of things. What would you think about pinning Schmidt down by asking for his objections, point by point? Do you think it would help to talk to him again? LEONARDO: Well, I would sure know a lot more than I know now. As it is, I wouldn't know where to begin revising or modifying the plans. And you're right, I really don't know what Schmidt thinks about me or my work. Sometimes I just react and interpret with little or no evidence. SUSETTE: Maybe, uh ... maybe another meeting would be a good thing, then. LEONARDO: Well, I guess I should get off my duff and schedule an appointment with him for next week. I am curious to find out what the problem is, with the plans, or me. (Pause) Thanks, Susette, for helping me work through this thing. -Categorize each statement in the case according to the supportive communication characteristic or type of response it represents. For example, the first statement by Leonardo obviously is not very congruent, but the second one is much more so.

You have called an employee into your office to discuss his poor performance. How might you start the conversation?

You asked your boss when you might receive a raise. He responded by telling you how interesting the travel channel is after 10:00 P.M. What should your response probably be?

According to the textbook authors, what is the most important skill for building and strengthening positive relationships?

Difficulties in effective message delivery are often related to the interpersonal aspects of communication.

You have just given a report to your boss. He says, "You have a good idea, but I'm afraid headquarters will think it is a little radical." Of what type of communication is this an example?

Managers pass along advice and information and help employees improve their skills by setting standards. When managers do this, what is it called?

If, in a counseling situation, you are willing to accept that other alternatives besides yours exist, which of the following best describes the type of communication you are practicing?

"Not only does a fairway wood have a larger sweet spot, but it reacts better to bad hits. Thin shots don't lose as much yardage as off an iron. Toe shots don't lose ..." You are lost in the discussion of golf. What type of communication is this person using?

What should you do when practicing congruent communication?

In her student evaluations, Morgan notes the following comments: (1) "The course is boring," (2) "The room is always freezing cold," (3) You are a great teacher," and (4) "You are easy to understand; you provide real-life examples to clarify your point."

Mini-Case: Investing in the '90s. Your inheritance from your Uncle Bruce has just arrived. You have decided to invest the $5,000. The following conversation took place with John, Morgan, and Ivan. Talking to John, "I can't believe Uncle Bruce left me $5,000. Geez ... that's a good chunk of change. So John, what would you do?" John smiles and says, "Plastics!" Now laughing, he says, "No, not really. I think I would place my money in a mutual fund." Morgan, who has just walked up, remarks, "Well, when I won $1,000 last year from playing blackjack, I placed my money into T-bills. The market is overpriced. I'm waiting for the correction." Ivan nods his head in agreement and then asks you, "What is it that you want to accomplish with the money?" You respond, "I want to be rich!!!" Ivan closes his eyes and asks, "Do you want to be rich now or in five years? Are you looking long term or short term?" Frustrated, you say, "This is hard, maybe I should hit the track and have a very good time." All chime in and say, "Once again, what is it that you want your money to do?" -Several response types are illustrated in this story of what to do with your $5,000 inheritance. For each of the following situations, indicate the response type that most likely occurred. Provide support for your answer. Situation #1: John's response to your question is an example of which response type? Situation #2: Which response type characterizes Morgan's comment? Situation #3: Ivan's comment, "What is it that you want to accomplish with your money? " represents which response type? Situation #4: Ivan's second comment concerning whether you want to be rich now or later-is the investment long term or short term-is an example of which response type? Situation #5: When all the characters respond in unison to your frustration, this is an example of which response type?

You need to turn in your expense account. This is your first one. Mary, your co-worker, has turned in over 50 in the last two years. As you explain a problem related to turning in your expense account to her, which response type would be most appropriate for Mary to use?

You are channel surfing while watching TV, and you come across a rather rotund individual sitting by himself talking politics in a rather rushed manner. In the few minutes you watch, you notice that he has an answer for everything, that his answer is always right, and that he appears to reduce complex issues to very simplistic definitions. You think to yourself, "I'm glad no one listens to this person." The TV person is practicing which form of communication?

You want to utilize supportive communication. You plan to employ validation in your communication with your subordinate. In particular, you want to practice areas of mutual agreement. What will you do?

Research has found that which of the following is true?

Which of the following statements is most consistent with coaching (as opposed to counseling)?

Explain the types of communication that invalidate people. Describe the attributes of validating communication. Provide specific examples.

Managers help employees by addressing problems involving employee attitudes. When managers do this, what is it called?