EVALUATING AN ESSAY FOR UNITY, SUPPORT, COHERENCE,
AND SENTENCE SKILLS (I)
In this activity, you will evaluate an essay in terms of the four bases of unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills. Evaluative comments follow each supporting paragraph in the essay below. Circle the letter of the one statement that applies in each case.
-Rock Concert Fans
If rock-concert audiences are viewed only on television or in photos, the people at these events may all seem to be excited teenagers. However, to those who have actually attended a few rock shows, it is clear that several kinds of people make up the crowd. At any concert, there is the typical fan, the out-of-place person, and the troublemaker.
Typical fans, first of all, are the people one would expect to see at a particular kind of concert, these fans will vary according to the group that is playing. If the attraction is a loud, heavy-metal band, for instance. Typical fans will have long hair, drink lots of beer, and leave on motorcycles. A hip-hop group, in contrast, will attract the people who copy the group's baggy clothes and rhythmic dancing. At a concert featuring a smooth-jazz sound, fans will be clean-cut, calm, and conservatively dressed in pressed pants and knit polo shirts.
a. The paragraph contains an irrelevant sentence.
b. The paragraph lacks key supporting details at one spot.
c. The paragraph lacks transitional words.
d. The paragraph contains a fragment and a run-on.
Looking around the arena, the concert-goer will quickly spot another category of people: the ones who look out of place. This group includes uncomfortable-looking parents who insisted on coming along with their thirteen-year-olds. Parents usually appear stunned by the noise level of the band, and they check their watches every few minutes. Parents will also drag their child away before any encores so that they can get out of the parking lot quickly. Out-of-place people might include, too, the Alicia Keys fan trapped on a date with a Metallica heavy-metal freak. This fan can be seen stuffing rolled-up Kleenex into his or her ears to block out at least some of the sound. The loud guitars and rebellious attitude of heavy-metal bands mean that these concerts usually attract the rowdiest crowds, as security guards will attest.
a. The paragraph contains an irrelevant sentence.
b. The paragraph lacks key supporting details at one spot.
c. The paragraph lacks transitional words.
d. The paragraph contains a fragment and a run-on.
The third type of person at a large rock concert is the troublemaker. This is usually a male who has decided that the concert is a place where law and order do not exist. People like this will, for example, bring all kinds of forbidden items into the arena or stadium. Troublemakers also ignore basic concert manners. They will try to sit in seats that have been assigned to other people, or they will stand directly in front of a row of people who are trying to see the stage. Finally, troublemakers seem to feel that a rock concert is not worthwhile without at least one fistfight. They may scuffle with a police officer who is guarding the stage, an usher who is trying to remove them from already-taken seats, or innocent bystanders who are waiting in line at the refreshment stand.
a. The paragraph contains an irrelevant sentence.
b. The paragraph lacks key supporting details at one spot.
c. The paragraph lacks transitional words.
d. The paragraph contains a fragment and a run-on.
A rock concert brings together a wide variety of people to see a show. Some attend to see their idols, others are there to guard their children, and a few want to raise a little hell. This combination of people is sometimes more intriguing than the singer prancing around up on the stage.

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