Exam 4: Building Relationships by Communicating Supportively

You have noticed since your discussion with Mary about her performance in the team that she seems withdrawn and not very motivated.What should you suspect about your communication?

You are channel surfing while watching TV,and you come across a rather rotund individual sitting by himself talking politics in a rather rushed manner.In the few minutes you watch,you notice that he has an answer for everything,that his answer is always right,and that he appears to reduce complex issues to very simplistic definitions.You think to yourself,"I'm glad no one listens to this person." The TV person is practicing which form of communication?

Explain and give an example for each of two major obstacles to effective interpersonal communication.

You take responsibility for your statements,using first-person words,such as "I," "me," and "mine." You are practicing validating communication.

You want to utilize supportive communication.You plan to employ validation in your communication with your subordinate.In particular,you want to practice areas of mutual agreement.What will you do?

If you believe people want to do better,to perform successfully,and to be contributors,what assumption do you make?

Your presentation didn't go as well as you had hoped.Sam stopped by and remarked,"Everything will be fine.My first presentation didn't go half as well as yours." Sam offered which type of response?

"Not only does a fairway wood have a larger sweet spot,but it reacts better to bad hits.Thin shots don't lose as much yardage as off an iron.Toe shots don't lose ..." You are lost in the discussion of golf.What type of communication is this person using?

Whereas coaching focuses on attitudes,counseling concentrates on abilities.

Although much progress has recently been made in improving the transmission of accurate messages,comparable progress has not occurred in the interpersonal aspects of communication.

Find Somebody Else Ron Davis,the relatively new general manager of the machine tooling group at Parker Manufacturing,was visiting one of the plants.He scheduled a meeting with Mike Leonard,a plant manager who reported to him. RON: Mike,I've scheduled this meeting with you because I've been reviewing performance data and I wanted to give you some feedback.I know we haven't talked face-to-face before,but I think it's time we review how you're doing.I'm afraid that some of things I have to say are not very favorable. MIKE: Well,since you're the new boss,I guess I'll have to listen.I've had meetings like this before with new people who come in my plant and think they know what's going on. RON: Look,Mike,I want this to be a two-way interchange.I'm not here to read a verdict to you,and I'm not here to tell you how to do your job.There are just some areas for improvement I want to review. MIKE: Okay,sure,I've heard that before.But you called the meeting.Go ahead and lower the boom. RON: Well,Mike,I don't think this is lowering the boom.But there are several things you need to hear.One is what I noticed during the plant tour.I think you're too chummy with some of your female personnel.You know,one of them might take offense and level a sexual harassment suit against you. MIKE: Oh,come on.You haven't been around this plant before,and you don't know the informal,friendly relationships we have.The office staff and the women on the floor are flattered by a little attention now and then. RON: That may be so,but you need to be more careful.You may not be sensitive to what's really going on with them.But that raises another thing I noticed-the appearance of your shop.You know how important it is in Parker to have a neat and clean shop.As I walked through this morning,I noticed that it wasn't as orderly and neat as I would like to see it.Having things in disarray reflects poorly on you,Mike. MIKE: I'll stack my plant up against any in Parker for neatness.You may have seen a few tools out of place because someone was just using them,but we take a lot of pride in our neatness.I don't see how you can say that things are in disarray.You've got no experience around here,so who are you to judge? RON: Well,I'm glad you're sensitive to the neatness issue.I just think you need to pay attention to it,that's all.But regarding neatness,I notice that you don't dress like a plant manager.I think you're creating a substandard impression by not wearing a tie,for example.Casualness in dress can be used as an excuse for workers to come to work in really grubby attire.That may not be safe. MIKE: Look,I don't agree with making a big separation between the managers and the employees.By dressing like people out on the shop floor,I think we eliminate a lot of barriers.Besides,I don't have the money to buy clothes that might get oil on them every day.That seems pretty picky to me. RON: I don't want to seem picky,Mike.But I do feel strongly about the issues I've mentioned.There are some other things,though,that need to get corrected.One is the appearance of the reports you send into division headquarters.There are often mistakes,misspellings,and,I suspect,some wrong numbers.I wonder if you are paying attention to these reports.You seem to be reviewing them superficially. MIKE: If there is one thing we have too much of,it's reports.I could spend three-quarters of my time filling out report forms and generating data for some bean counter in headquarters.We have reports coming out our ears.Why don't you give us a chance to get our work done and eliminate all this paperwork? RON: You know as well as I do,Mike,that we need to carefully monitor our productivity,quality,and costs.You just need to get more serious about taking care of that part of your responsibility. MIKE: Okay.I'm not going to fight about that.It's a losing battle for me.No one at headquarters will ever decrease their demand for reports.But,listen,Ron,I also have one question for you. RON: Okay.What's that? MIKE: Why don't you go find somebody else to pick on? -Which one of the eight attributes of supportive communication is most violated? Why?

Your supervisor remarks to you,"You spent an hour scheduling meetings today when that could have been done by your assistant." Your supervisor is using global communication.

The difference between saying "You are stubborn" and "This is the second time we are unable to reach agreement" is the difference between what two types of communication?

One suggested reason as to why communication remains a major problem for managers is that they are expected to focus on what organizational goals should be,not how to accomplish the organizational goals.

Rejected Plans Case The following dialogue occurred between two employees in a large firm.The conversation illustrates several characteristics of supportive communication. SUSETTE: How did your meeting go with Mr.Schmidt yesterday? LEONARDO: Well,uh,it went ...aaah ...it was no big deal. SUSETTE: It looks as if you're pretty upset about it. LEONARDO: Yeah,I am.It was a totally frustrating experience.I,uh,well,let's just say I would like to forget the whole thing. SUSETTE: Things must not have gone as well as you had hoped they would. LEONARDO: I'll say! That guy was impossible.I thought the plans I submitted were very clear and well thought out.Then he rejected the entire package. SUSETTE: You mean he didn't accept any of them? LEONARDO: You got it. SUSETTE: I've seen your work before,Leonardo.You've always done a first-rate job.It's hard for me to figure out why your plans were rejected by Schmidt.What did he say about them? LEONARDO: He said they were unrealistic and too difficult to implement,and ... SUSETTE: Really? LEONARDO: Yeah,and when he said that I felt he was attacking me personally.But,on the other hand,I was also angry because I thought my plans were very good,and,you know,I paid close attention to every detail in those plans. SUSETTE: I'm certain that you did. LEONARDO: It just really ticks me off. SUSETTE: I'll bet it does.I would be upset,too. LEONARDO: Schmidt has something against me. SUSETTE: After all the effort you put into those plans,you still couldn't figure out whether Schmidt was rejecting you or your plans,right? LEONARDO: Yeah.Right.How could you tell? SUSETTE: I can really understand your confusion and uncertainty when you felt Schmidt's actions were unreasonable. LEONARDO: I just don't understand why he did what he did. SUSETTE: Sure.If he said your plans were unrealistic,what does that mean? I mean,how can you deal with a rationale like that? It's just too general-meaningless,even.Did he mention anything specific? Did you ask him to point out some problems or explain the reasons for his rejection more clearly? LEONARDO: Good point,but,uh,you know ...I was so disappointed at the rejection that I was kinda like in outer space.You know what I mean? SUSETTE: Yeah.It's an incapacitating experience.You have so much invested personally that you try to divest as fast as you can to save what little self-respect is left. LEONARDO: That's it all right.I just wanted to get out of there before I said something I would be sorry for. SUSETTE: Yet,in the back of your mind,you probably figured that Schmidt wouldn't risk the company's future just because he didn't like you personally.But then,well ...the plans were good! It's hard to deal with that contradiction on the spot,isn't it? LEONARDO: Exactly.I knew I should have pushed him for more information,but,uh,I just stood there like a dummy.But what can you do about it now? It's spilled milk. SUSETTE: I don't think it's a total loss,Leonardo.I mean,from what you have told me-what he said and what you said-I don't think that a conclusion can be reached.Maybe he doesn't understand the plans,or maybe it was just his off day.Who knows? It could be a lot of things.What would you think about pinning Schmidt down by asking for his objections,point by point? Do you think it would help to talk to him again? LEONARDO: Well,I would sure know a lot more than I know now.As it is,I wouldn't know where to begin revising or modifying the plans.And you're right,I really don't know what Schmidt thinks about me or my work.Sometimes I just react and interpret with little or no evidence. SUSETTE: Maybe,uh ...maybe another meeting would be a good thing,then. LEONARDO: Well,I guess I should get off my duff and schedule an appointment with him for next week.I am curious to find out what the problem is,with the plans,or me.(Pause)Thanks,Susette,for helping me work through this thing. -How would the principles of descriptive communication help Leonardo when he talks to Mr.Schmidt again?

Sharing personal data and engaging quickly in sensitive topics is more likely to occur in which culture?

Some research suggests that one's communication style may indicate a person's mental health.What did this research find?

Interaction management,which focuses on taking turns speaking,management of timing,and topic control,has been found to be crucial in supportive communication.

Find Somebody Else Ron Davis,the relatively new general manager of the machine tooling group at Parker Manufacturing,was visiting one of the plants.He scheduled a meeting with Mike Leonard,a plant manager who reported to him. RON: Mike,I've scheduled this meeting with you because I've been reviewing performance data and I wanted to give you some feedback.I know we haven't talked face-to-face before,but I think it's time we review how you're doing.I'm afraid that some of things I have to say are not very favorable. MIKE: Well,since you're the new boss,I guess I'll have to listen.I've had meetings like this before with new people who come in my plant and think they know what's going on. RON: Look,Mike,I want this to be a two-way interchange.I'm not here to read a verdict to you,and I'm not here to tell you how to do your job.There are just some areas for improvement I want to review. MIKE: Okay,sure,I've heard that before.But you called the meeting.Go ahead and lower the boom. RON: Well,Mike,I don't think this is lowering the boom.But there are several things you need to hear.One is what I noticed during the plant tour.I think you're too chummy with some of your female personnel.You know,one of them might take offense and level a sexual harassment suit against you. MIKE: Oh,come on.You haven't been around this plant before,and you don't know the informal,friendly relationships we have.The office staff and the women on the floor are flattered by a little attention now and then. RON: That may be so,but you need to be more careful.You may not be sensitive to what's really going on with them.But that raises another thing I noticed-the appearance of your shop.You know how important it is in Parker to have a neat and clean shop.As I walked through this morning,I noticed that it wasn't as orderly and neat as I would like to see it.Having things in disarray reflects poorly on you,Mike. MIKE: I'll stack my plant up against any in Parker for neatness.You may have seen a few tools out of place because someone was just using them,but we take a lot of pride in our neatness.I don't see how you can say that things are in disarray.You've got no experience around here,so who are you to judge? RON: Well,I'm glad you're sensitive to the neatness issue.I just think you need to pay attention to it,that's all.But regarding neatness,I notice that you don't dress like a plant manager.I think you're creating a substandard impression by not wearing a tie,for example.Casualness in dress can be used as an excuse for workers to come to work in really grubby attire.That may not be safe. MIKE: Look,I don't agree with making a big separation between the managers and the employees.By dressing like people out on the shop floor,I think we eliminate a lot of barriers.Besides,I don't have the money to buy clothes that might get oil on them every day.That seems pretty picky to me. RON: I don't want to seem picky,Mike.But I do feel strongly about the issues I've mentioned.There are some other things,though,that need to get corrected.One is the appearance of the reports you send into division headquarters.There are often mistakes,misspellings,and,I suspect,some wrong numbers.I wonder if you are paying attention to these reports.You seem to be reviewing them superficially. MIKE: If there is one thing we have too much of,it's reports.I could spend three-quarters of my time filling out report forms and generating data for some bean counter in headquarters.We have reports coming out our ears.Why don't you give us a chance to get our work done and eliminate all this paperwork? RON: You know as well as I do,Mike,that we need to carefully monitor our productivity,quality,and costs.You just need to get more serious about taking care of that part of your responsibility. MIKE: Okay.I'm not going to fight about that.It's a losing battle for me.No one at headquarters will ever decrease their demand for reports.But,listen,Ron,I also have one question for you. RON: Okay.What's that? MIKE: Why don't you go find somebody else to pick on? -Does Mike need coaching or counseling? What evidence do you have to support your conclusion?

You know that your performance has recently declined.You tie this decline to the new software.Even though you fully understand how to use the new software,you think the software is garbage.In fact,you campaigned against the software but lost the political battle.Your boss has called you into her office.What would be the most correct response for the boss to use?